I'm Moving!

Tim’s Blog is moving.

All humor content on this blog has moved to a new home on the web:

http://www.humorality.com

Non-humor content and personal posts by Tim Patrick now appear in the blog on his main web site:

http://blog.timaki.com

It’s the same great content in a completely new package—actually two new packages. The new sites will continue to bring you great articles and laughter, all from Tim Patrick’s main abodes on the Internet.

The new locations are already active, so don’t waste a single moment. Click the links above and experience a whole new blog experience.

New From Microsoft!

Since 1991, Visual Basic has held the hand of new and experienced programmers as they meandered their way through the minefield of Windows application development. That’s why we here at Microsoft are pleased to announce some of the exciting changes included in the upcoming release of Visual Basic 2010. These new features will simplify each and every programming task you encounter, and will help bring about an age of language parity never before offered from any company that owned a collection of popular programming languages.

Here are just a few of the great changes included in Visual Basic 2010….

(Text copyright (c) 2009 by Tim Patrick. Image Credits: Microsoft)

Programming Visual Basic 2008

When Microsoft moved Visual Basic from its version-6 roots to the new world of .NET in 2002, it endowed the language with a level of power and flexibility never before seen in a BASIC variant. But that move also brought a competitor on to the scene: C#. This new language-on-the-block is a formidable rival, especially in terms of perceived language value. Some commentators believe that C# will become so popular that Microsoft will discard its beloved Visual Basic into the ultimate bit bucket. What started out as an inside joke on C++ developers has turned into the VB community’s worst nightmare.

It’s not that C# is any better than Visual Basic; the very idea is laughable. But for some reason, people actually think that C# is more powerful. The root cause of this misperception has remained elusive, but after years of careful observation, I believe I have identified the core issue….

Shameful Addiction

I have a confession to make. I’m an addict, and I need a fix. I’ve been hooked for about eight or ten weeks, although the blur of the last few months makes it difficult to truly gauge the time. And now, having been without a hit for three days, withdrawal symptoms are starting to set in. My drug: presidential tracking polls.

It’s not like I am easily tempted by controlling substances. Once, when my car broke down in front of the Greyhound bus terminal in Riverside, California, a thirteen-something punk offered to provide me with illegal drugs in exchange for money. The word “no” came out of my mouth as easily as water comes out of my leaky bathroom faucet. Whether it was a true lack of desire to use drugs, or if childhood conditioning by my parents was the reason, I was able to hold my head high, knowing that I had chosen the right path….

(Image credits: Copyright (c) 2007 by Sanja Gjenero via sxc.hu/lusi)

Resistance is Borscht

The problem with military invasions and proctology exams is that once the border has been crossed, it’s pretty much too late to do anything about it. At least with a proctology exam—and I want to go on record as saying that I clearly do not speak from personal experience, especially since I don’t even know where my procto is or how you would examine it—you have the comfort of knowing that, thanks to privacy requirements, the only ones who need know about the exam are you and your doctor, the doctor’s secretary, his billing specialist, the staff of the medical records department at the clinic, several gossipy women at your insurance company’s claims department, the US Secretary of Health and Human Services, and—under the terms of the Patriot Act signed by President Bush—your librarian….